Potus Geeks Poetry Corner: The 2016 Election
(Once again, with my humblest apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
Twas the day of election, from Oahu to Dover,
And the people were glad it would all soon be over.
The networks were busy, in polls they were mired,
Wondering which candidate would be told: "You're Fired!"
The candidates battled right up to the end,
Hillary with Beyonce, her new bestest friend.
Poor Hillary, Trump surrogates tried to unnerve her
As they all prattled on 'bout her email server.
Donald Trump was barnstorming, state to state he did schlup,
Enticing his masses to chant "lock her up!"
When a cat ran on stage, as quick as a rabbit,
Donald Trump said to Billy Bush, "hey, watch me grab it!"
As the finish line neared, the two candidates gored
From disparaging snarks from Mark Cuban and Jeff Lord!
Though the Clinton supporters at first seemed much keener,
Their momentum slowed down thanks to Comey and Wiener!
The talking heads talked, but they rarely made sense,
Moderation was left to Tim Kaine and Mike Pence.
Barack was amused, and it caused him to titter
As he said "Donald Trump can't be trusted with Twitter!"
Then the candidates rested, results to await,
They would watch them come in from the Empire State.
Both to the Big Apple, each in some fancy joint,
Trump still with his mantra, "stay on point, stay on point!"
The networks had pundits who were poignantly riffing,
They considered the odds and engaged in what-iffing.
What to TV watchers glazed eyes should appear,
The same panel of experts that they had watched all year.
There was Cooper and Blitzer and even Jake Tapper,
They watched as Jon King played election night mapper.
From the left: "Trump is sexist, he surely will fail",
From the right: "She's so crooked, she's going to jail!"
They talked about walls, would he build them? How high?
They talked about email, they talked FBI
They said what was bad (very little was good),
But they never talked issues or where candidates stood.
They talked and they talked, about nothing of note,
As they waited to see how Nevada would vote.
When all of a sudden the polls closed back east,
Soon returns would come in, on the numbers they’d feast.
The tension was strong, some were too scared to glance,
Chuck Todd chewed his nails, Ken Bone split his pants!
They broke down results of polls taken on exit,
Would they vote as predicted, or would this be like Brexit?
Then on Jon King's map, some results quickly flew,
From all of the close states, Pennsylvania too!
And late into the night, someone made a prediction,
But would it be fact, or would it be fiction?
With memories of past gaffes and premature blather,
Too scared to predict, (not another Dan Rather!)
Would the people soon see another Clinton take power?
Or would Washington soon have another Trump Tower?
Who would win was elusive, a guess none would hasten,
Not Nate Silver, Bob Woodward or even Julie Mason.
It would be a long night, no idea who was winnin',
Was it four years of Baldwin or more Kate McKinnon?
Night soon turned to morning, then days quickly passed,
As the people hoped this would be over at last.
Ballot counting kept going, things got even more tense,
And as someone predicted, we were kept in suspense.
It was later that winter, on each network's report,
With a throng of supporters on the steps of a court.
Where all hoped that they'd know soon who'd won every state,
Decided by judges, whose number was eight.
But they knew that no matter how things were decided,
In the end all would still be quite badly divided.
I can't say how it ended, but please don't start cryin',
Let's meet in four years, when it's Warren v. Ryan!
Twas the day of election, from Oahu to Dover,
And the people were glad it would all soon be over.
The networks were busy, in polls they were mired,
Wondering which candidate would be told: "You're Fired!"
The candidates battled right up to the end,
Hillary with Beyonce, her new bestest friend.
Poor Hillary, Trump surrogates tried to unnerve her
As they all prattled on 'bout her email server.
Donald Trump was barnstorming, state to state he did schlup,
Enticing his masses to chant "lock her up!"
When a cat ran on stage, as quick as a rabbit,
Donald Trump said to Billy Bush, "hey, watch me grab it!"
As the finish line neared, the two candidates gored
From disparaging snarks from Mark Cuban and Jeff Lord!
Though the Clinton supporters at first seemed much keener,
Their momentum slowed down thanks to Comey and Wiener!
The talking heads talked, but they rarely made sense,
Moderation was left to Tim Kaine and Mike Pence.
Barack was amused, and it caused him to titter
As he said "Donald Trump can't be trusted with Twitter!"
Then the candidates rested, results to await,
They would watch them come in from the Empire State.
Both to the Big Apple, each in some fancy joint,
Trump still with his mantra, "stay on point, stay on point!"
The networks had pundits who were poignantly riffing,
They considered the odds and engaged in what-iffing.
What to TV watchers glazed eyes should appear,
The same panel of experts that they had watched all year.
There was Cooper and Blitzer and even Jake Tapper,
They watched as Jon King played election night mapper.
From the left: "Trump is sexist, he surely will fail",
From the right: "She's so crooked, she's going to jail!"
They talked about walls, would he build them? How high?
They talked about email, they talked FBI
They said what was bad (very little was good),
But they never talked issues or where candidates stood.
They talked and they talked, about nothing of note,
As they waited to see how Nevada would vote.
When all of a sudden the polls closed back east,
Soon returns would come in, on the numbers they’d feast.
The tension was strong, some were too scared to glance,
Chuck Todd chewed his nails, Ken Bone split his pants!
They broke down results of polls taken on exit,
Would they vote as predicted, or would this be like Brexit?
Then on Jon King's map, some results quickly flew,
From all of the close states, Pennsylvania too!
And late into the night, someone made a prediction,
But would it be fact, or would it be fiction?
With memories of past gaffes and premature blather,
Too scared to predict, (not another Dan Rather!)
Would the people soon see another Clinton take power?
Or would Washington soon have another Trump Tower?
Who would win was elusive, a guess none would hasten,
Not Nate Silver, Bob Woodward or even Julie Mason.
It would be a long night, no idea who was winnin',
Was it four years of Baldwin or more Kate McKinnon?
Night soon turned to morning, then days quickly passed,
As the people hoped this would be over at last.
Ballot counting kept going, things got even more tense,
And as someone predicted, we were kept in suspense.
It was later that winter, on each network's report,
With a throng of supporters on the steps of a court.
Where all hoped that they'd know soon who'd won every state,
Decided by judges, whose number was eight.
But they knew that no matter how things were decided,
In the end all would still be quite badly divided.
I can't say how it ended, but please don't start cryin',
Let's meet in four years, when it's Warren v. Ryan!